"I feel like a rubber band that has been stretched to
breaking point"
I am in my late sixties and
lived very happily in France for several years. Now I
have had to return to England to live with my daughter
who was disabled in a botched operation. She has three
children still living at home - one is at university and
cannot contribute, the other two are in their teens, one
only has a part-time job, so cannot contribute and the
youngest is still at school. The eldest lives with her
partner and their baby but they also need financial help
as he has a very low-paid job. All my pension income is
used to pay my daughter's debts which she has incurred
in the six years since her operation, as she lost her
business and is now unable to work. I do all the
cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry - the children will
help if asked but I find it quicker to do it myself, as
I have very high standards.
My dilemma is that I want to
make life easier for my daughter but after so long
without a single day off I find myself getting short
tempered and nagging them about the mess they make. This
upsets my daughter very much, which is the last thing I
want, but I feel so trapped, living in a small house
with four other people plus an assortment of their
friends - we have only one bathroom and lavatory. I have
had to sell my car to meets monthly debt repayments and
I have to share my daughter's car, but she needs it
nearly every day to visit her own daughter and
grand-daughter.
My daughter has been
fighting for damages for medical negligence for six
years - liability was admitted over four years ago. Once
her claim is settled she should be able to buy a larger
house, adapted for her needs, and pay for domestic help.
How can I avoid upsetting her by quarrelling with the
children when I feel that I am the only person making
sacrifices for the family. I feel like a rubber band
that has been stretched to breaking point. My health is
good, fortunately, apart from some arthritis which can
be painful when I have to go up steep stairs many times
a day to take my daughter her meals and drinks.
ANSWERS
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