"DO I CONFRONT MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW OR IGNORE THE PROBLEM?"
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I
think you are in a very difficult position. From what
you say about your daughter-in law's behaviour, her
problem is very evident to both you and your son and has
been so for sometime. It is probable that she realizes
that you know that she is not well but it could be too
hard for her to admit to you her very distressing and
distressed state. It sounds as if you are all avoiding
the painful and difficult reality. You, your son and she
are all in a situation where you are pretending that
nothing is happening.
She has, from what you say, sought out some help but you
seem a little dismissive of this. I wonder why? Were you
sceptical about the therapist's approach to the problem?
Maybe she is right to be resistant to taking medication
and wants to seek a different approach but is not sure
where to find the right sort of help.
I think that you could try to talk to your
daughter-in-law, bring things into the open, but it very
much depends on how you feel about her and what your
relationship is with her. If your wish to help her comes
from genuine compassion I think this will come through
but, if you feel condemnatory or merely wish to make
things better for your son, she may well reject your
help. Once you have faced her with your concern, if that
is what you decide to do and have perhaps found possible
help she needs to decide for herself what course she
will take. It maybe that she is in fact still seeing
someone. Even if she does find satisfactory help, it
wont be instant. To come to terms with a lifelong
affliction such as OCD takes time.
There are different views about the origins of OCD but
it would seem that it is behaviour that results from
early anxieties which then itself causes considerable
anxiety to the sufferer. There are also different
approaches to the treatment and your daughter-in-law, if
she accepts your help, will need to find the approach
that suits her. It maybe that the cognitive behavioural
approach could help her or that she needs to find a
psychoanalytic therapist who will spend time to work
through deep seated early anxieties with her. |
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I'm really sorry
that you have been facing this dilemma with your
daughter-in-law for quite some time now & I'm wondering
how you know that she has seen a therapist recently? I
only ask because that might be a lead in to gently ask
her more about what kind of therapy was being offered?
You might be able to say that you've heard of
alternative treatment, useful web sites etc? However, if
it is information given in confidence by your son for
example, then I can see that it would be difficult to
just introduce the subject without his permission.
In any case it is clearly a delicate situation, which is
a shame as there is treatment & support available,& I'm
going to send you some links to a couple of useful sites
on the subject, which at least would help you to become
more informed as to the possibilities. Maybe you could
share them with your son as he is closest to your
daughter-in-law, & it does sound as though nothing much
is being done at the moment to deal with a difficult
problem.
I do hope these sites will help you, & as there are
leaflets available perhaps you could print one of them
off & give it to your son first or at least discuss with
him how he thinks you might be able to help. There are
also self help guides/support groups for family &
friends of those with OCD available, which you might
find useful in giving you tips on how you could help,
once your daughter in law is prepared to accept that
there is a problem. She is probably too scared to
discuss it all, but if it can be brought out into the
open in as gentle a fashion as possible then maybe she
will be able to see that she isn't alone & that there is
help available.
All these sites & more are on Google if you type in
obsessive compulsive disorder - good luck - I hope you
do manage to get something started soon.
1)
http://helpguide.org/mental/obsessive_compulsive_disorder_ocd.htm
A guide to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),
including symptoms, common thoughts and behaviors,
treatments, self-help, and tips for helping a loved one.
There is a list at the end of resources/leaflets/support
groups.
2)
www.ocduk.org
-gives a lot of info /support groups
etc. |
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From what you write, it would seem that your
daughter-in-law is suffering from acute anxiety and
needs all the things that she is keeping in the house to
make her feel safe. Her feelings about taking medication
do have some logic to them as some medication for
anxiety conditions can have very unpleasant side
effects. As this appears to be a very delicate situation
I was wondering if it might be possible for you to
mention to her that you have noticed that she is keeping
everything and that she appears anxious and then ask her
what she feels might be going on.
I
have doubts about your using the label OCD as it may
make her feel that you think that she is mad. You state
that she has seen a therapist recently but you do not
mention if she is continuing to see the therapist. Your
daughter-in-law's symptoms seem to be indicative of a
deep-seated and chronic anxiety and dealing with this is
not short-term work. Of course, whether you talk to your
daughter-in-law about all this very much depends on what
kind of relationship you have with her. If you feel that
she trusts you, then it might help her. Otherwise, she
could feel threatened by your bringing up her
difficulties with her. |
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